


Kaner the Zombie eats Sidney Crosby's dog.

by BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Confusing, F/M, M/M, Not!Fic, Zombies?, chatfic, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:05:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse/pseuds/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>yaoimistress (Feb 17 12:13 AM): kaner has started talkin more and eating cooked food lke potatoes<br/>Carly (Feb 17 12:13 AM): and he likes beer.<br/>Carly (Feb 17 12:13 AM): he totally stole sharpys when he was on watch duty<br/>Carly (Feb 17 12:13 AM): sneaky little peekaboo</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kaner the Zombie eats Sidney Crosby's dog.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear to go I am so sorry for this....whatever it is. I was watching the Walking Dead and Warm Bodies at the same time. I regret everything.

IM Feb 16 11:54 PM

yaoimistress ( Feb 16 11:54 PM ) : So like, picture this. Kaner? He's a zombie.

dingy57 ( Feb 16 11:57 PM ) : What kind? Like, The Walking Dead or Warm Bodies?

yaoimistress ( Feb 16 11:58 PM ) : A mixture. He was, like, bit when the wrold just started to go to shit

dingy57 ( Feb 16 11:59 PM ) : And like, it was just a bite at the most random plavce ever  
dingy57 ( Feb 16 11:59 PM ) : like his shin  
dingy57 ( Feb 16 11:59 PM ) : he was swimming and this gross guy came up  
dingy57 ( Feb 16 11:59 PM ) : bit him out of fucking nowhere

yaoimistress ( Feb 16 11:59 PM ) : kANERs like THEFUCK  
yaoimistress ( Feb 16 11:59 PM ) : Theturns intombie  
yaoimistress ( Feb 16 11:59 PM ) : *turns into a zombie

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:00 AM ) : And Jonny is part of a surviving group  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:00 AM ) : Hes a BAMF

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:00 AM ) : Totally  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:00 AM ) : He runs into Kaner on a supply run

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:01 AM ) : Yeah and Kaner just wants to eat, okay He still feels kinda bad for eating ppl so he doesnt do it often  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:01 AM ) : But hes hungry dude and even zombies gotta eat

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:01 AM ) : But Tazers all NO REJECTED  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:01 AM ) : and thet himin the head  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:02 AM ) : *and then tries to shoot him in the head

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:03 AM ) : But he misses when zombie!Gagner trips over him.  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:03 AM ) : Because Gagner is totes Kaners bff in the world of ZA

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:04 AM ) : Kaner looks at him and is all like, OH HOLY GOD THIS MAN IS ATTRACTIVE YOLO

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:04 AM ) : But its ironoic bevcause he already did live once and is now dead  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:04 AM ) : ha  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:04 AM ) : But like, Kaner learns all this stuff about jonny by eating someones brain

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:04 AM ) : Whose?

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:05 AM ) : Crosby?

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:05 AM ) : NO STOP THATS MEAN  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:05 AM ) : He eats a dog they had brough with them

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:05 AM ) : Why?  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:05 AM ) : Whose dog

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:05 AM ) : idk sidneys.

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:05 AM ) : OMG POOR DOGGY

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:05 AM ) : Zombies gotta eat

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:06 AM ) : Tazer sees kaner is like, diff, and so brings him back to the like compund or some shit

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:06 AM ) : with his trusty helpes Sharpy, Duncs, and Seabs.

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:07 AM ) : obvi  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:07 AM ) : And he brings him back to Q. And Qs all like WHAT IS THIS  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:07 AM ) : WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT IT TO ME  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:07 AM ) : IS IT AN OFFERING

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:07 AM ) : Theyre all like no bro. no.  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:08 AM ) : he's diff  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:08 AM ) : weird xombie

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:08 AM ) : and they kee kaner chained in a room and jonny has to like, feed him chickens

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:08 AM ) : why chickens?

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:09 AM ) : cuz they aint goona feed him ppl stupid  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:09 AM ) : live chickens  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:11 AM ) : with their heads cut off  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:11 AM ) : because of reasons

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:11 AM ) : and they start to bond  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:11 AM ) : bromance style  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:11 AM ) : exceot more romance

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:12 AM ) : if kaner is dead is that necrophilia

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:12 AM ) : no

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:12 AM ) : kay  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:12 AM ) : and slowly kaner turns human

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:12 AM ) : and jonny notices huh  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:12 AM ) : this zombie is sorta hot  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:12 AM ) : and hes turnin human

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:13 AM ) : but hes hesitant because  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:13 AM ) : woah  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:13 AM ) : can zombies do that

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:13 AM ) : apparently they can cuz kaner has started talkin more and eating cooked food  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:13 AM ) : lke potatoes

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:13 AM ) : and he likes beer.  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:13 AM ) : he totally stole sharpys when he was on watch duty  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:13 AM ) : sneaky little peekaboo

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:14 AM ) : Q lets him become part of the group  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:14 AM ) : yay happy ending

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:14 AM ) : hes a total bamf  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:14 AM ) : they try to get more zombies to turn human but sometimes it dont work  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:15 AM ) : cept they meet this hounddog lookin zombie that follows sidney, jonnys bff, around

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:15 AM ) : his name is geno and he just wants to eat sid up  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:15 AM ) : literally

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:15 AM ) : but then he turns human too  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:15 AM ) : he still wants to eat sid up  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:16 AM ) : figuratively

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:16 AM ) : and gagner accidently got explodeded

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:16 AM ) : how

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:16 AM ) : idk who cares

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:17 AM ) : then an annoying zombie named ovie starts to turn human and everyone is like  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:17 AM ) : NO  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:17 AM ) : SSTAY A ZOMBIE  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:17 AM ) : GO AWAY

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:17 AM ) : But he turns human and slowly ppl start to accept him cuz he might be a little annoying but hes funny and hes friends with geno  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:18 AM ) : he also gets all friendly with somegirl

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:18 AM ) : Maria Kirilenko

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:18 AM ) : im goona call her koko  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:19 AM ) : he gets friendly with koko and they make ex-zombie babies

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:19 AM ) : ew stop

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:19 AM ) : but theyre so cute  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:19 AM ) : and kans just like TAZR  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:19 AM ) : DUDE  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:19 AM ) : I WANT ONE

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:20 AM ) : Tazr- nO KANER  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:20 AM ) : SIT  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:20 AM ) : STAY  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:20 AM ) : NO BABY FOR YOU  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:20 AM ) : NOT UNTIL WE GET MARRIED

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:20 AM ) : Sids Jonnys best mn

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:21 AM ) : it ws a spring afternoon  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:21 AM ) : or something  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:21 AM ) : ppl dont keeo track of the date anymore

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:22 AM ) : they get marreid but there no honeymoon  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:22 AM ) : tsthe z apocolypse after all

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:23 AM ) : but they do live happily ever after turning one zombie into a human at a time  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:23 AM ) : and they evertually get a kid, but its just a kitten  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:23 AM ) : they name is BAMF

yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:23 AM ) : she is a white kitten with black spots  
yaoimistress ( Feb 17 12:24 AM ) : she has morals

dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:24 AM ) : what  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:24 AM ) : nvm  
dingy57 ( Feb 17 12:24 AM ) : the end


End file.
